My Gay History
I come from an interesting family. For the father, I inherited intellectual, a taste for books, ideas, discretion, moral qualities, shyness ... On his mother's side., Inherit sensitivity, poetic feeling, spontaneity Notables my parents ..However .. very isolated, separated in our big house, subject to chronic depression .. Despite the heat that I knew lived in their hearts, what I felt was the coldness of the distance, a coldness sometimes almost fatal. We never wanted for anything material, but there were so emotionally distance ... Isolation and above all just need to mature, to control one's life is the great lesson of my first decade of life. Another lesson: I could never talk to anyone about the things I felt. Sad lesson that only much later was answered.But the years go by, and we grow. Adolescence comes with full force .. with 13, all in my head was a huge volcano.Now, I knew perfectly well that he was gay, he was born like that and that was my nature. What I did not know what that could mean for my life in the future. I felt waves of energy in my body and mind. On the beach almost maddened with the bodies he saw happen, and always blocking me, with fear of catastrophe that would mean - and my head - show any trace of my feelings.I never thought I was the only one who felt that, but found that it was a disease (if disease) rare, and I never had a chance to find someone to talk to respect.But life goes on. So my 14 years, new year in school, new friends. In each year new students who came to the big city changed in order to study at the University in the future.Among those who arrived that year, a figure caught my attention at first sight. Alejandro was a year older than me.Vengo de una familia interesante. Por parte de padre, hered capacidades intelectuales, el gusto por libros, ideas, discrecin, cualidades morales, timidez... Por parte de madre., herede sensibilidad, sentimiento potica, espontaneidad..Personas notables mis padres..Sin embargo muy aislados, separados en nuestra casa grande, sujetos a depresiones crnicas.. A pesar del calor que yo sabia habitaba en sus corazones, lo que yo senta era la frialdad del distanciamiento, una frialdad a veces casi mortal. Nunca nos falt nada material, pero emocionalmente haba tanta distancia... El aislamiento y, sobre todo una necesidad de madurar solo, de controlar la propia vida: es la gran leccin de mi primera dcada de vida. Otra leccin: que yo nunca podra hablar con nadie de las cosas que senta. Triste leccin que solamente mucho mas tarde fue respondida.Pero los aos van pasando, y vamos creciendo. La adolescencia surge con toda su intensidad..con 13 aos, todo en mi cabeza era un inmenso volcn.Ahora, yo sabia perfectamente que era homosexual, que haba nacido as y que esa era mi naturaleza. Lo que yo no saba era lo que eso poda significar para mi vida en el futuro. Yo senta ondas de energa en mi cuerpo y mente. En la playa casi enloqueca con los cuerpos que vea pasar, y siempre bloquendome, con miedo a la catstrofe que significara - as mi cabeza - mostrar cualquier resquicio de mis sentimientos.Yo nunca pens que fuese el nico que sintiese eso, pero encontraba que era una enfermedad (si, enfermedad) rarsima, y que yo nunca tenia la menor posibilidad de encontrar alguien para hablar al respeto.Pero la vida sigue. Entonces, mis 14 aos, ao nuevo en la escuela, amigos nuevos. En cada ao llegaban nuevos alumnos que se cambiaban para la gran ciudad con el objetivo de cursar en la Universidad en el futuro.Entre los llegados de aquel ao, una figura me llamo la atencin a primera vista. Era Alejandro, un ao mayor que yo.